A DJ Saved My Life

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grew up in a small, cow-like town.  There was nothing around.  There was nothing to do.  I became bored and started to do bad things.  I would steal from my mom.  I would use the money I bought to fulfill my addiction to music.  I bought so much music. My room was first filled with album crates then compact disc crates. My favorite genre of music was disco.  It still is to this day. Disco allowed me to escape what was happening in and out of my home.  My home was not a safe place to be. 

Growing up I had no friends.  Everyone was against me, even the unpopular people.  I was in a subculture of my own. I often feel to this day I am still in that group by myself.  I was the lone disco, King.

 Disco music saved my life.  The song, “Last night a DJ saved my life”, by Indeep was and is my theme song.  A DJ did indeed save my life.  The whole disco culture saved my life.  I used music to escape and go somewhere else.  I knew all the disco dance moves and had all the latest disco hits and the underground grooves only a die-hard disco fanatic could find.  I was hooked. And it was an expensive habit.  I had my own paper route with the Green Sheet to help pay for my habit. All my money earned went toward buying music.  (to be cont…)

Even though I had my music, I had no friends.  My friends were the music groups I loved to listen to: Chic, Donna Summer, Andy Gibb, the soundtrack to Saturday Night Fever.  I bought myself one of those music boxes that had lights that moved to the music.  I had my own disco in my bedroom. 

Nightmare

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A blood-orange sun sets on the horizon.

Trees cast twisted shadows on the black pavement.

The wind blows brown and red leaves down the street.

The temperature is dropping rapidly.
A shaggy dog runs into his doghouse.. 

A black and white cat curls up in a ball.

A snake slithers behind a rock.

Inside a cookie-cut house,

a  man is pouring himself a vodka tonic as he prepares to sit down to watch television.

He’s in an agitated mood.

His boss disapproves
The boy will be taught a lesson.

Fe Fi Fo Fum look out here he comes

The air becomes frigid with anger.

He jumps from his chair and heads toward his son’s bedroom.

Inside the room sleeps an angel dreaming of electric sheep.

A hand over his mouth, a twist of his body,

He is awakened with a jolt.  His father’s hands are upon him again.

He pleads with innocent eyes, please not this time.

Red hot seething flesh is penetrated. He struggles for a sense of comprehension
Is this happening again?

I’m not real.

I’m an illusion.

I’m a plastic doll.

But, the sheets still become splattered with blood.

A rush of pain to the head

This is real.

God take my soul

Let the sunshine in

Please answer my prayers

Let me wake from this nightmare.

Let me awake in your celestial arms.

Take me from this place and make me safe.

#Baptism

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Light turns to dark

White turns to RED

Syringe in my hand

A hypodermic syringe in my hand

I feel the devil’s presence at hand

My mind salivates with anticipation of nothingness

My arm’s vein smiles greedily, give me release it sternly winks

A prick to the skin, the antidote flows in, Ah a complete void

Explosions of a million universes enter into my mind. My flesh ignites

A deep sigh, a comet rushes over and inside, a rush of pure emptiness

I am nowhere in sight

I am the black hole

I am redness

I am mindless

I am a vapor rushing nowhere and everywhere, upside down and upright. Where’s the light?

Bubbling, panting desiring self-stimuli

I NEED FLESH TO FEED MY SOUL

Consumes, devoured, I need a pistol now. Come blast me full of holes

Fall down the hole. Lose your soul

Sell your flesh by the ounce

You’re only worth that much

Worthless, hopeless, aimless

I am a dirty blow-up doll. Come shred my plastic casing. I want to feel whole.

A tear, knowingness, an acceptance, a saddened wise grin

I know my calling. I know my destiny. I know I am a whore to be sold.

God bless my soul.

Anoint me with your blood-streaked tears.

I want to be something.